Monkey Poundcake

Whomever of you knows My Puppy's Daddy, are hereby requested to provide harassment to said person. Cause - exhibit of alter, Drunky McDrunkinghampantsmcgee, at public gathering, this evening past, to honor said drunky and me.

Wherein we were the first to arrive and last to leave;
Wherein time spent spanned ten hours;
Wherein I slept on sofa last hour whilst he continued with drinking and gambling;
Wherein our dog had no dinner;
Wherein said drunky rolled about on the floor/ground at least twice;
Wherein said dog rolled around in the grass innumerable times;
Wherein many bowls of chili were consumed and said drunky expelled equal amounts of noxious gases;
Wherein said drunky, whilst playing the wifflest of balls, dove into the side of the house;
Wherein many were shocked and impressed at such a deed;
Wherein, upon finally convincing said drunky it was time to take our leave, said drunky fell into an slumberous state;
Wherein, upon arriving at our homestead, said drunky had to be awakened and instructed to carry a box containing chili pots upstairs;
Wherein said drunky fell down, sending up a cacophony of sounds, assuredly to the delight of the neighbors!
Wherein said drunky set about the nightly ritual of tooth cleaning for an inordinately fifteen minutes;
Wherein said drunky repaired to bed, only to rise and move a stack of clean laundry from point A to point B for no apparent reason, then retired to the WC and spent yet another fifteen minutes in that chamber;
Wherein, the dog having slipped into slumber, stirred at noises emanating from said chamber and set to protect the home;
Wherein, upon examination, the dog discovered the source of said sounds and returned to bed, appropriately irritated;
Wherein said drunky finally returned to bed himself, quickly to sleep, whilst I then was unable to return to sleep and henceforth felt and even further increase in my feeling of botheration;
Wherein, upon rising, enjoyed questioning said drunky on specifics of evening prior.

Ah, as was once said to me, the wages of sin, the wages of sin...

Oh, Monkey Girlfriend
Originally uploaded by Monkey Poundcake.

Recently, the dog's relationship with Monkey Girlfriend has taken a turn - for the dirty!

Although we're a few days shy of June, the June Gloom has begun. In fact, I attributed the dog's mopiness to the weather this morning. I figured he must have seasonal depression. I mean, what else would make an ordinarily skippy, snarfy dog hang his head and refuse peanut butter? And so I went about my day, sharing my theory on the moper.

Around 4pm, I talked to My Puppy's Daddy, who'd just gotten home from work. While I was on the phone with him, he exclaimed, "Oh no! Man! Ewww!" What? What's wrong? Where's the dog? (worried tone!!!) "He's here, but he threw up - twice!"

Ah yes, that explains the mopiness of the morning then. Fine, I'm not so intuitive after all. I don't know what the baby's feeling. I am a bad mommy. Oh well, at least he's not a real kid!

Harken back to the wedding I was in two weeks ago (has it only been 2 weeks? WTF). I mentioned mass tequila consumption. I may have mentioned we stayed at the same resort where the wedding took place - easing the mass consumption. What I didn't tell you, was that as we walked back to our room, which was at the ass-end of the place because I booked a cheap room on line a year in advance and what did I expect, I decided to take a different route. The man would not come with me and what followed was a stand-off, me lurking around one corner in my hot pink dress, and him lurking around another. We could've stayed like that for hours or until I really had to pee. Out of the darkness, a golf cart approaches and I here, "(My name), is that you?" I realize it's the groom's mother and she's totally spotted me. In my drunkenness, I consider making a run for it, but realize that is definitely not going to work. I fess up and go to the cart where she is sitting with the groom's aunt and uncle, all getting rides back to their rooms, and hop on the uncle's lap - no, he's not the creepy uncle. "Where's (his name)?," she asks, and then we see him, lurking. He hops in the back and we all get rides. Since the bride and groom have been honeymooning for two weeks, I haven't heard the story come back, but I'm sure it will. Now that's what I call class. Don't be jealous.

Today during our morning constitutional, the baby had three poops. That is good stuff. As I've said before, I am jealous of his prowess. After the second, which was positioned just along a busy street, I crouched, bag in hand, to clean up. I bagged the business, and as I rose, noticed the boy was still in his crouch, just steps away. I peeked around and saw a hell of a clingon. As he seemed satisfied to just stand there like that until SOMEONE took care of things, I rushed to knot off the last load. Then, I re-bagged my hand and waited... waited for the sudden, steady stream of traffic to pass. No, I don't know those people, and, no, I didn't want my boy to suffer, but damned if I was gonna put on a show for those passers-by! Once clear, I relieved my boy of his distress. It was, no doubtedly caused by one of my long hairs, so how could I begrudge the kid. Man, can't wait to get this hair cut.

As I have previously communicated, we love fresh beets around here. And we are always amused by the effect they have on our bodies. Well, two nights ago, there I was, peeling and cubing and tossing hot beet chunks into a pan with butter to get 'em all nice and yummified when one big chunk ricocheted out of the butter pan and onto the kitchen floor. Well, you know we have the dog, and he does doggish things, like rush to the scene of dropped food items. He grabs it, but it's hot, so he drops it. We try to wave him off it, but he's not having that for long. Boy wants him some buttery goodness! Then we watched as he went to it. We thought he'd stop at sucking the butter off, but no, he wanted it all. He was doing this open mouth chewing thing because of the heat, you know, like you yourself do with the taquitos that have that surprise filling of boiling oil. "sleh lehleh shelshlehl"

Yesterday morning I was walking said dog and, yes, he did have pink poop. Tee hee!

I know I'm neglecting you. It's just that, you know, there's the wedding, and my job, and stuff like that going on. It isn't personal, you're just not at the top of the list. Now don't go getting hurt feelings, you're more secure than that. I wouldn't have said it if I didn't think you could handle it.

To pacify you, I offer this.

This is our last morning here. Have to go back to work. But, get to pick up our boy who was in a kennel for the first time! We dropped him off and he didn't even look back, turkey. Better be happy to see us.

The wedding was yesterday and it was beautiful. The bride looked amazing, all cried. The grounds were beautiful also. It was a pink wedding, I was in all hot pink. Not my usual look, but neither is sporting an updo with one pound of bobby pins and 16 ounces of hairspray. I just took it all out. I had to get the boy to help, some of those pins did not want to leave my head. Now I'm sitting here, in just my underpants, with total 80's Jersey hair. Try not to be jealous. Yes, and I do have a hangover. We didn't drink before the ceremony, but since the bride was getting freaked by her aunts and uncles and insulted by her new family, several shots of tequila was in order. Or, were in order. See, I told you I was hung. Okay, out to the pool to wash the Aquanet out for all to enjoy!

We're in the desert for the weekend for a friend's wedding. It's very nice, not too hot, lots of pools, and I only got hit in the face with a wayward football once! I got in the pool to cool off, but due to the many children in the pool, the water was not all that refreshing. I wading out with a friend, when I hear "Look out!" at the same moment I get smacked.

Me - "That better not leave a mark."
Adult man - "Hee hee, blame the kids."
Me - " Oh sure, blame the kids, that why you had them anyway."
A.M. - "Those aren't even mine."
Me - "Sure, now they're not."
A.M. - "No, I have a girl, she's over there."
Me - "Yeah, I'll bet she's sweet as pie."

Jerkwad.

Go to weddingchannel.com and look up people you've heard about. You can look up Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Fualauu and be amazed at how much of their wants have been fulfilled. If anyone knows about fulfilled desires, it's these two.

Runaway Bride Jennifer Wilbanks also has cleaned up pretty nicely. She and John seemed to have spent an excessive amount of time in the gadget aisle at Macy's, however. A heavy reliance on gadgets is pretty telling, don't you think?

Go on, look there now.